Friday, July 31, 2015

Where Am I?

I just got this site up only to abandon it for over 2 months (so far). So WTF, Erin?

I have 2 main reasons:

1) It's summer 2015. For me that has meant: Moving out of a large house and into another one 1500 miles away while renting out the previous house. I had help from friends and family in taking care of the kids, but there were so many things I had to do by myself, most of them frustrating to the point of screaming, others boring as hell for 10 straight hours.
-I had no/sporadic internet at the new house for the first 2 weeks, plus the 2 weeks before of taking apart one house and traveling.
-Acclimating to a (sort of) new area- we lived here 10 years ago, and in a very different part of town.
-I have 5 children at home who are registered for no camps or activities (because moving is expensive and we also weren't sure where we would be until May). These 5 children also need to be registered at 3 different schools... some needed more vaccinations and/or yearly physicals from a doc in this state (and insurance only pays for one per year and every doc is booked for months). Some have already started sports conditioning with their school's team. Some need new glasses.

So yeah, busy.

2) I am scared sh*tless right now. Because right at the beginning of all this chaos I got an offer of rep. I'll spare you the details of the weeks that followed, but I ended up having to make a choice between offers. So this means:

-I now have an agent. I have someone who believes in me and is excited to bring my book to print. It's one of those things you fantasize about but somehow never really expect to happen. Especially when I look at other writers who have been working for years and I feel like I haven't paid my dues. Maybe I haven't. Maybe I still have years of trying ahead of me.

-We will be going on submission in a few months. That means months of waiting and being rejected again, sometimes after getting a "maybe" and then waiting a long time and making changes. It may mean paying my dues to the writing world in hearing over and over, "You're not ready yet." Because what if I'm not?

I don't know that I'm pessimistic by nature. I just don't want to get my hopes up. In the last year I've read a lot of stories about writers who made it right away, writers who made it after struggling for a while, and writers who struggled and struggled and ultimately had to start over. I honestly don't mind being that last kind, I just wish I knew ahead of time how long this was going to take. 10 years? Okay, ten years it is, let's get started, it's going to be a long ride.

But here's the thing about this process: I can't really talk about it because it may hurt me. I don't want the editor reading my manuscript to know how long I've been submitting or how many rejections I've had or what other paths I may still have open to me.

Part of my silence is personal; I don't want to share the details of this journey until I know it has a happy ending. Part of it is because publishing is a small world, and if I vent or over-share, it can hurt my chances.

But rest assured, I do have things going on with this book.

Wonderful things.

Amazing things.

Hopeful things.

Terrifying things.

And someday I will tell you all about them.

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